↑What they said we will experience. | ↑ 這是他們說我們會經歷的過程。 |
↑What I experienced so far... Today I really reached an exceptionally low emotional point. So low that I need to record it down. One of my closest friends here went back to her home country... and nothing seems to be going right today. :( You might not see this post at all but... take care, Sema. | ↑我目前經歷的... 今天真的,算是低谷阿。低到需要記錄一下。 在這裡最親近的朋友之一回國... ...讓今天所有的事情都變得不太對勁。 :( 你不一定會看到這篇,但是, 一切保重,Sema. |
What a gloomy and rainy day today. I actually haven been feeling low since I came on Exchange. Even if there were times, they were only very small frustration or stress. But I know, it is because I keep spoiling myself -- do things I love, and be with the people I love. "Being here for only one year" sets a time limit... provides me a reason to be totally honest to myself. There is no way that I am going to waste any minute, any second here. Following my heart completely is a strange and rare experience. XD No need to think about how this will benefit me with my future, my CV...etc. I don't force myself to do things that I hate but will "help me with my personal growth" -- very self-willed but feels SO GOOD!! Being in this brilliant mood for too long accidentally makes me more vulnerable to the loss of my dear friend... I couldn’t hold my tears during the farewell yesterday… ugh I really decided that I won’t cry! *facepalm* I know, we are just apart now. I might see her again in the future! But I will have to adapt to the days of my next half an year in Nott,,, without her. :( --------------------------- Today, Sunday, should be a day that I go to archery practice joyfully. Yet no one was there to meet up with me in the foyer anymore, and that felt wrong. Was going to keep myself busy by listening to the music all the way through… out of my expectation, iPhone and my ear phone just won’t collaborate that morning. I just couldn’t hear anything. We also got the typical British weather that day: rainy… Oh well it’s not my first time walking in the rain…… 40 minutes of walking, a pair of soaked sneakers. And the practice? It was actually OK, much better than the previous two times—kinda getting back in state :) Yet the lost feeling when I turned around but didn’t see the familiar friendly face really killed me. Never damaged an arrow before and I got two today. XDrz The fact that a certain someone came to practice today totally added on another negative emotion source. Let’s just say the bitchy person is still bitchy. There was no one to rant with on my way back though. Holding the complains in my brain really wasn’t good for my health. Oh and it was still pouring when I walked back. Shoes soaked again. Normally we look forward to the hot brunch so much after the 3 hours anticipation during archery practice. The food just tastes better after a morning of exercise. We usually just eat without saying a word until we are almost full, with delighted casual chat following afterward. Then the few of us return to our rooms …relaxed and satisfied. Not today. This is not the first time that I hold my food tray in panic and don’t know where to sit; however, I didn’t have to face this situation for a long time. There was a girl who was sitting alone at the moment, so I went to sit in front of her, thinking that I might be able to make a new friend today… …but then her friends came one after the other, talking about what happened to this person that person from this party and that party they went to… As their conversation heated up, I increased my speed of eating as well. Nothing feels right today. The fire drill in the afternoon somehow caused everything to collapse within me. I could feel the negative emotions that accumulated throughout the day flooding out uncontrollably. I phoned Toffee, originally just to complain about how ridiculous and annoying the fire drill was… and ended up crying my heart out when I reached my room – scared the hell out of the person on the other side of the phone. XD While crying I finally realized how lost and miserable I felt today. While crying I finally realized how much, how much I missed you Sema. ;__; Before it was always me leaving: leaving Taiwan, leaving the States, leaving Canada; before it was always me being forced to move on in the new environment, never had any chance nor any energy to consider how the people that I left behind feel. For the first time, I am the one who stayed, doing the “usual” things we did before…without the people that I did them with… AHHHHH TT___TT I felt much better after the teary moment. Dinner with Emma made it a lot better as well… soooo glad that she’s still here. ;_; If it’s only me left… tbh, that idea itself makes me lose my motivation to go to eat. Still, I am probably going to take a sandwich the night before as brunch for the upcoming Sundays. This allows me to practice archery for another extra hour! Sounds pretty good right? Ah I can’t believe this is what happened on the first day of Chinese New Year!!! All I can say is… well, the future year is going to get better for sure! Tomorrow will be a better day! : ) Happy Chinese New Year and have a Snake year full of good fortune! | 陰雨濛濛的今天。交換到現在我很少感到情緒低落的, 有也只是小波度的低落。 但我自己知道那是因為不停地不停地縱容自己做自己喜歡的事,跟自己喜歡的人喜歡的朋友在一起。 「只在這裡一年」給了我一個時間限制,給了我對自己誠實的理由,不願意浪擲一分一秒。這樣跟著自己的心而不想太多的經驗實在很特別 XD 我不用思考這個對我的升學有甚麼幫助,對我的未來履歷是不是正面的呢-- 之類的。不再強迫自己去做一些「對個人成長或未來有幫助」可是痛恨的事情 -- 非常的任性卻愉悅啊!! 處於這樣的好心情太久,以至於沒想到親愛的朋友離開會讓我如此的痛徹心扉。 昨天跟她道別的時候就不小心眼淚潰堤,明明決定好不哭的! (掩面) 只是現在不見,未來可能會再見的!可是我在小諾(聽說這是諾丁漢的小名 XD) 交換的未來半年就得習慣少了她的日子了 :( ----------------------- 今天,星期天,是該開開心心去練習射箭的日子。 可是一大早沒有人在大廳跟我會合,就覺得一切都不太對勁。本來準備好就自己忙的邊走邊聽音樂,沒想到耳機跟iPhone不知道為什麼就是對不了,只要插上就一點聲音都沒有。無計可施之下想著反正大清早也沒有人,就乾脆播放著算了。 而且今天是英國標準天氣:雨天... 算了也不是沒在雨中走過...... 40分鐘的路,一雙全濕的鞋。 練習呢? 其實OK,比起前兩次好太多了有點回到狀況 :) 可是每輪結束之後一轉頭看不到熟悉的朋友真的很失落 以前沒有損毀過箭的我今天損換了兩支 XDrz 討厭的人還是很討厭,不幸的事今天她有來練習。 憋了一肚子的氣回程卻沒有人可以抱怨實在對健康不好.. 喔對回程還是大雨。鞋子又濕了。 一般練習完我們最期待的就是熱騰騰的早午餐,上個學期每個星期天的早午餐都因為一大早的運動而吃起來特別香,通常我們都一個字不說的埋頭猛吃,到快要吃飽的時候才開開心心的聊起天來,然後輕鬆滿足的回房間。 今天不。 不是第一次捧著餐盤卻不知該往何處去,可是也有一段時間不需要這麼茫然了。看到一個獨坐的女孩子所以很開心地把餐盤放她對面,想說就交個新朋友吧... ...沒算到的是她的其他朋友陸續來到,然後開始講起她們前幾天派對的人事物... 她們講得飛快,我也吃得飛快 總覺得今天所有的事都不對勁。 下午宿舍火警鈴響起不小心崩斷我的理智,忍了一整天的負面情緒無法控制的完全潰堤。忍不住的打給了太妃,本來只是想抱怨火警鈴隨便亂響有多麼的愚蠢多麼的擾民沒想到講話講著回房間後就大哭不止,嚇壞了在電話另一端的那個傢伙 XD 哭著哭著我才發現今天是多麼失落的一天。 哭著哭著我才發現我有多想多想你啊Sema ;__; 以前都是我離開: 離開台灣,離開美國,離開加拿大;以前都是我到了一個新的地方被迫往前邁進,從來沒有甚麼機會沒有甚麼精力想著那些朋友的感覺。 第一次換我被留在原本的地方過著原本的日子,卻少了熟悉的伴...... 阿阿 TT____TT 發洩一下有好多了,晚餐的時候跟Emma一起吃飯就好慶幸好慶幸還有她 ;_; 如果只剩我一個人... 老實說,這個念頭本身就讓我有點不想再去吃飯了 XD 以後星期天的早午餐我想我就在前一天拿好三明治好了。 這樣還可以多練一個小時,搞不好也不錯吧? 啊! 明明就是大年初一我卻這樣!!! 只能想第一天低落之後就只會更好不會更糟了啦! 明天一定會更好! :) 新年快樂蛇年行大運喔! |
Miss you. | 很想你。 |